Let’s get something straight right off the bat; I, by all means, am not a naturally big guy. In fact, if I didn’t train the way I do, and eat the way I do, I’d probably look like this guy:

Kaevon circa 2007

But I do, so instead, I look like this guy

Kaevon January 2014

Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be “big”, I just didn’t know how to get there. Now I’ve nearly reached my desired goal. As of this blog post I’m 250, the ultimate goal of getting to 265. Not a huge weight, but perfect for my sport and position; I play prop in Rugby. We’ve just started our season back up, and the training regimen looks something like this:

2 hours practice Tues Thurs, Saturday game. About 30 minutes of extra sprint work before practices, about 75 minutes lifting weights Mon/Wednesday. All told about 9 hours of intense training per week. This is an exhausting routine for me, often leaving me with a heavily suppressed appetite, and all of the running wages war on my hard earned mass.

In accommodating this punishing regime I have a meal checklist that is required to help maintain my marvellous mass over the 4 months to come:

  1. Must be easy to make.
  2. Must be calorically and nutritionally dense.
  3. Must not taste entirely like garbage.
  4. Must use minimal dishes.

This meal hits this criteria out of the park. So here’s a simple step by step on how to make it, this should make about 6 servings depending how large and in charge you are/trying to become.

  1. Bring a large pot of water to boil, big enough to completely submerge the yams.
  2. While the water is coming to a boil, scrub your filthy yams clean, you can cut them up smaller if you’ve got a knife that can handle the density of yams, but that’s one more dish to the pile, and I’m a busy guy, you know? I use 2 different yams depending where I’ve done my shopping: the organic yam 7 pack that comes from costco, they’re smaller and organic, so if you don’t use them in like a day they go rotten (probably what real food is supposed to do). Or I use the cranked up steroid yams from real Canadian superstore, they’re the size of your forearm and last for weeks, you need 4 of them for this.
  3. Once the water boils, throw the yams in, be careful that you don’t have any boiling hot water splash back into your eyes, or you won’t be able to finish reading this recipe.
  4. It’ll take 30-45 minutes for them to boil, you want to be able to easily run a knife through them. about 20 minutes into them boiling, get a large frying pan out, heat to medium on the burner, throw in 2 tablespoons of coconut oil and a crushed clove of garlic. Let the pan heat up for a bit then put in 2 lbs of lean ground turkey. Cook until brown, turning and breaking into smaller pieces.
  5. Defrost 1 cup of peas, follow the bag instructions. What do I look like, a pea chef? Figure it out.
  6. Once the yams are fully boiled, drain the remaining water and use a set of BBQ tongs to remove the skin as they are scorching hot. If you don’t hate the skins like I do, leave them in, my mum says that’s where a lot of vitamins and fibre are.
  7. Mix in the turkey, peas, yams, and about 1/6 a lb of refrigerated butter. It’ll melt more consistently as you mash and turn with a wooden spoon, providing a more even buttery goodness.
  8. Stick it in your faceholeand SLAM IT!

A few recommendations:

-This stuff is dense and heavy, best to eat after training as it sits heavy in your stomach.

-Don’t plan any ahhh sensitive engagements; dates, funerals, etc, jet engine like noises may occur.

-Always rinse your dishes, mashed yams calcify into a merciless material when left out, and you will spend long hard minutes scrubbing it out.